Anger

What the hell is wrong with you?! You have the audacity to be upset with me?? After all the shit I have put up with from you, you think that this is right? That this is fair? I am such an idiot. I thought that I had some intelligence in this brain of mine but clearly I was wrong. Only a moron would let all of this back in again. You say you were "warned" about me. That you shouldn't let me in. Who sought who out? Who emailed whom? Who called first? Who is the one who always causes this??? I am so tired of being made out like I am the bad guy. If I am wrong I will admit I am wrong.

I want to punch a wall. I want to punch your face. I want to shake you and tell you to say something! I gave you the opportunity to stop me from walking out that door. But you didn't. You just let me go like I meant nothing to you. Maybe I don't. Maybe all this time it was just a facade. But why? It makes no sense. How can a person be so loving and doting and then just piss on you? Why do you say one thing and I feel it from your heart but your actions say another. Why am I always struggling to feel involved in your life? 

Remember when Brooke was crying to Lucas at Naley's wedding and said,"why don't you ever just let me all the way in??" it was the turning point for their relationship. Lucas didn't know why he couldn't let her in but Brooke knew. Deep down. Now I know too. Its the worst feeling ever that's for sure. Just to realize that the person you love with every fiber of your being doesn't feel the same way about you. They prefer others. Every….single….time. It's always someone else.

Being 31 years old you think I've had enough life experience to know how to read people but even after all this time and even though I am an empath I still can't read you. At one time the word 'soul mates' came to mind. We're not. The ESP was nothing but coincidence.

I need the upset and the anger to melt away. I don't want it to consume me. I hate everything about you. Why the hell do I love you?