"You say its easier to burn than to build. You say its easier to hurt than to heal. But I say you lose when you give up what you love. And I've lived my life without you long enough."
I miss JB. It sucks having to live everyday without having him here to kiss or hug or touch. But alas, my husband comes home soon. Yay!!! I should be thrilled, elated, ecstatic, jumping for joy and beyond wild with emotions at the moment.
But I realized when he gets back we're going to be so financially strapped. Like about $750 over budget. And I don't have any bills that I can get rid of to rectify this! I mean, we have a loan that's to be paid off soon so that will free up $100 a month but that still leaves a large chunk of change.
I know I could get a job, but then there's that added expense of daycare for Austin and after school care for Payton possibly. And then there's my pharmacy tech schooling I am trying to finish....
I am stressed. To the max.
And when I stress I eat. And I've done SO WELL the last 32 days with staying under 1500 calories but I have a feeling my brain is going to run too much and I will lose it. Self control is a very difficult thing to have but I do have a strong motivation front on my facebook group. However they aren't here for me at 2 in the morning when my mind won't stop running.
This also hurts my want for another child soon. JB and I had finally come to an agreement that it would be this year!! We would try around April or May and that was that. But now with this in the way I don't know what to do. Because we all know babies are expensive and when you've already got two it just makes it worse. I know I need to put it all in God's hands but it's so hard to do that. It's so hard to just turn it all over.
